Bloody Mary
by x.alice.massacre.x
Summary: You come to me with scars on your wrist, you tell me this will be the last night feeling like this. A/H JxA songfic
1. Chapter 1

**GASP! Yay, a new story. I had the idea for this one for a loonng time. Since like… September. I hope you like it. Ps, this story deals with child abuse so if that is a sensitive subject for you, I don't suggest you read this.**

**Sorry this chapter is so short. -Alice xoxo **

Chapter One:

It was raining. But it wasn't the sound of the water droplets hitting the window that gave it away. It was both the awful musty smell of a leaky ceiling and the dampness of the attic that did. I would have loved to sleep, but the coldness of my makeshift room was preventing me from doing so.

The old, misshaped, bed squeaked as I changed position, trying to get comfortable. But it was no use, I could feel the broken springs on the mattress stabbing into my back. The floor would have been more restful.

I felt the tears prick at my eyes. I cried every night before I fell asleep. Why? I asked my self. Why did all the terrible things that is ever possible to happen to someone happen to me? It wasn't fair. Why was I kidnapped when I was seven? Why did my parents get divorced? Why did my mom marry an alcoholic? Why was my birth dad murdered when he was trying to get custody of me? Why, why, why?

The tears where pouring now, and since I was lying on my back, they where sliding down the sides of my face and into my ears. I didn't care though. The pain was too much to bear.

Pain.

I leaned over the side of my bed and grabbed a toothpick that I had stolen from the kitchen and held it into the fire of the candle on the table until it captured some of the flame. I watched as the wood burned for a few seconds and then blew it out before pressing the hot wood to the inside of my wrist. There would be a red mark, but I knew I could do better than that. Tomorrow…

I blew the candle out before I tried to get comfortable in my bed.

--

Out of instinct, I got up at five thirty in the morning. I had to make breakfast for my parents before they got up at six.

I rolled out of bed and went down the two flights of stairs to the kitchen. The sun hadn't come up yet, so the room was dark. I traced my had along wall to find the light switch and flicked it on when I did.

Making breakfast for my parents was the worst part of the day. 9 times out of 10, they get pissed because I don't make them what they want. How the hell am I suppose to know what the hell they want when they don't tell me?

I sighed and went around the kitchen, gathering the ingredients for pancakes. At least my parents like them, and hopefully I wont get yelled at this morning.

My mom and step-father came down almost exactly two minutes after I was finished making their breakfast. Obviously, I wasn't aloud to have any. So I sat on the kitchen floor and ate cheerio's without milk. It's strange that dry cereal should make me cry.

When my parents go up stairs to take a shower, then I know it's safe to go clean up the table.

After I was finished with that, I went back upstairs to get dressed. I didn't have nice clothes, of course and the ones that I do have are way to small for me. When I wear the only jeans that I have, I can barely breathe, and all of the shirts I have are far too short.

I heard the sound of the front door close, signaling that my parents had left, and that it was ok for me to leave. I have to stay out of their way because they don't like to see much of me. They say that I am a repulsive disgrace to the family.

I was glad that it was raining as I walked to school, so no one could see my tears. Not like there where many people to see me anyway.

Why? I kept asking myself. Why, why, why? I didn't notice I took a wrong turn until I was standing in front of a tattoo shop. Maybe it wasn't an accident that I ended up there. Maybe it was fate. Destiny. Kismet. Or just a strange, random thing that happened.

I was eighteen. I was old enough. I looked down at my wrist and asked myself the same question I have been asking myself for as long as I could possibly remember, why, before pushing the door open and entering.


	2. Chapter 2

**YAY CHAPTER TWO! Uhm… I have never gotten a tattoo so sorry if I do anything wrong. - Alice xoxo**

Chapter Two:

The bell on the door rung as I pushed it open and stepped into the warm building. Goth-rock music was playing from and unseen stereo. Flyleaf's All Around Me.

"Can I help you?" The blonde guy at the counter asked.

I have never done this before, so I wasn't exactly sure how to ask. "Yeah, I would like to get a tattoo," I said as I walked closer to the counter.

"Sorry, you need a parents consent if you are under the age of 18," he said. Before going back to the book he was reading.

"I am 18," I said as I pulled my student I.D. card out of my back pocket and showed it to him.

"Alright," he said. "What do you want? I mean, what do you want the tattoo to be of?"

I showed him the inside of my wrist. "I want it to say 'why?'"

"Why?" He asked.

"That's right. Why," I answered. He smiled

"No, I mean why do you want it to say why?"

"Oh," I said, sighing. "It's a long story."

The guy pulled some papers from the desk and set them on the counter. "Fill these out and then you can tell me about it, ok?"

I filled the paper out quickly. It was easier than I thought, it just asked age, address, ect… They guy looked over them when I was finished.

"Ok, Alice," he said, "I'm Jasper. Follow me." Jasper lead me into a small room in the back and set me down in a tattoo chair. "So you just want it to say 'why?' in black ink?" He asked as he got a bottle of rubbing alcohol and a cotton ball.

"Yeah," I answered. Japer wetted the cotton ball with the alcohol and rubbed it the inside of my left wrist to clean it off, and then he got the things ready for the tattoo itself. Then it was time. No turning back now, Alice, I thought. Jasper put some ointment over my wrist before beginning to slid the needle over my skin.

It didn't hurt as bad as I thought it would. It was more annoying then painful, actually. I've had emotional pain ten times worse.

"So," Jasper said, "what made you decide that you wanted a tattoo?"

"Honestly, I don't know," I said, "it was kinda a spur of the moment thing. I was on my way to school and I was…crying… and asking myself the same question I've been asking myself for my whole life: why? And then I just ended up here."

"Why?" He asked, "I mean, why where you asking yourself that?"

I knew this guy who I have only known for twenty minutes was going to see me cry if I told him this story, but at that point I really didn't care. I sighed. "I think it started on my first day of second grade. I had just moved up here from Mississippi a few weeks before, and I was walking home from school. My parents thought that this was a nice, quiet place to live. Some guy pulled me off the sidewalk and took me to this like shed place where I was locked in for three days.

"About a year after that, my dad left my mom, and she says that fucking annoying cliché 'we just don't love each other anymore' but I'm pretty sure my dad was sleeping with someone else." The flesh under my eyes where getting a little wet. If Jasper noticed, he didn't say anything.

"My mom met and alcoholic and they got married and began to hate me. They punished me for the most random reasons. My dad knew what they where doing so he tried to get custody of me, and right before he was granted, he was murdered."

Jasper looked up at me and saw that I was crying. "Fuck my life," I mouthed before he said, "I'm so sorry, Alice. Really, I am."

"It's ok," I said.

Then, the needle stopped dragging along my skin. "I'm finished," he said, and then I looked at my skin. It was exactly like I had pictured it. The three simple letters spelling out the word that described my life. Why?

"Thank you. So much," I said. I was still crying from the story I had told Jasper. Either that or I was so happy with the tattoo.

"You really like it?" He asked as he put a bandage over it. I nodded. "Good. You have to leave the bandage over it for at least one day, because technically, it is an open wound. Don't expose it to direct sunlight.

"And some people think that you can't take a shower for like two weeks. That's freaking nasty. It's ok to get it wet." I smiled when he said that. "Come back if you have any more questions," he continued. I nodded, and then we went back to the front of the store so I could pay.

I didn't think about that part until just now, but luckily, I had exactly the right amount of money with me. And that was all the money I owned.

"Thank you so much, Jasper," I said just before leaving. I pushed the door open.

"Alice?" He said before I left. I turned around. "Come back if you need anything. I'll be here."

"Ok. Thank you again."


	3. Chapter 3

**Teehee, I've been a bad girl and haven't updated in a long time. Maybe I should get Jackson to come and spank me. Teehee. Ok, this A/N could get VERY inappropriate. R&R - Alice xoxo**

Chapter Three

I didn't go back to school afterwards. I just wandered around the cold, rainy streets of Forks, Washington as I waited for a safe time to go home, in case my parents got out early. Which happens a lot.

Anyway, I got home around 3:30, and my mom was there waiting there. Not a good sign.

"Where the hell where you all day, Mary Alice?" She asked. I didn't say anything, I just shifted the weight on my feet impatiently. "The school called and said you didn't show up, and don't fucking lie to me."

"I got a tattoo," I said all in one breath, so she wouldn't understand and let it go. But she heard what I said, unfortunately.

"A tattoo? Of what?" She said, disgusted. I knew I wasn't suppose to take the bandage off, but I really wasn't in the mood for talking, so I did anyway and held out my wrist for her to see. "Why? Why did you get one that just says why?"

"Because I want to know why my life fucking sucks!" I wasn't aloud to swear in front of my parents. That's probably why her hand came in contact with my cheek so forcefully, that I fell backwards. I hit my head against the wall and almost went unconscious.

"Don't give me that shit, Mary. You have a wonderful life. You should be happy that you have a place to live and food to eat. I could have gotten rid of you - should have gotten rid of you the day you turned eighteen."

I thought she was done yelling me, so I tired to get vertical, but she pushed me back again. "Fuck you," she spat at me before leaving me alone. I got to my feet one more time and ran back to my room at the top of the house and threw myself onto my bed where I started to cry really hard.

I looked at my wrist. Why? Why? Why? Out of the corner of my I saw something thin and shiny. Why was there a sewing needle on the floor of the attic? I didn't think about it for too long. I just picked it up and looked at it. I didn't care if it was clean or not, I just slid the pointy end across my wrist under the tattoo with enough pressure to break the skin. Some blood dripped out. I smiled at the pain as I watched a scab form.

It was the first time I had ever cut myself. It hurt, but I loved it

-

It had been a week since I had gotten my tattoo, and I kept thinking about that Jasper guy. He was really cute, and my heart stopped beating whenever I remembered the color of his eyes. Blue. But not like blue, blue. They where bright and…just so beautiful. I had to see him again. I just had to.

He told me that I could come back if I needed anything, but I really didn't.

Actually, yes I did need something. I needed _him_.

-

On the Wednesday after I got my tattoo, I went to the shop after school. When I pushed the door open, breathed in the smell of the place, and heard the sound of the music playing, I knew I was safe.

My breathing stopped when I saw that Jasper was working. He looked up, saw me, and smiled. "Hey, Darlin', what's up?" He asked.

I looked around and noticed how empty the place was. It was just me and Jasper, actually.

"Hi," I said in reply, "I just came by because I missed you." I walked over and sat on the counter next to him.

"Ya know, your really not suppose to sit up there," Jasper said as he came closer to me. He leaned against the counter.

"What are you going to do about it?" I tested, smiling.

"Tickle you until you pee yourself," he said jokingly. I really liked this guy. I could be my real self around him, and I've only seen him twice in my whole life. It's weird how that happens.

"You wouldn't," I said in a threatening voice. But he did. He started tickling me while I tried to pull away. "Stop," I tried to say, but couldn't because I was laughing so hard.

"I wont stop until you pee or you get off." I loved this guy. Wait. Love? No, no, no. I've known him for a week and a half.

"Ok, ok," I slid off the counter. "I'm off."

Jasper didn't say anything after that. Not really. "I'm going to close up soon. It's been so dead lately," he said, but more like he was talking to himself than to me. I just nodded. "Have you been taking care of your tattoo?" I held out my wrist for him to look at. "it looks good…but where did you get the scars?"

I felt the blood rush to my cheeks. I was caught… or was I? "I have a cat," I lied, "it scratched me."

He could tell I was lying. "Are you sure?" He asked. I nodded.

-

I stayed and kept Jasper company while he cleaned up and while he closed.

"Thanks for coming by and keeping me company," he said when we where leaving. "This place is pretty much dead all the time, and it was good to have someone to talk to."

"No problem," I said, "I can come tomorrow, if you want. I don't have anything to do ever. Hell, I could hang out with you all the time, if you want. I'll drop out of school and work with you if you want."

"No, I don't want you to drop out. I want you to graduate and go to a good college," he said seriously even though I was joking. "If you don't you'll end up with a fucking job at a tattoo shop that your parents own but don't even work there." Oh, it's him. "Alice, finish high school then go to college, please? For me?"

"Ok," I answered. "If I can," I added.

"What do you mean, if you can?"

Shit, I really didn't want to get into this, but I felt like I could tell him anything...everything. "I…uh…don't think my parents give a flying fuck about me going to college. I never asked if I could. They don't care about me…" My voice trailed off at the end. I was going to cry, I knew it.

"Hey," Jasper said, he took my hand and started stroking it, "they care about you. I'm sure of it. You are so sweet and beautiful, I'm sure they love you."

"Nope," was all I said. "No one likes me." I started walking forward towards my house again but Jasper grabbed my wrist to stop me. I turned around towards him.

"I do." Those two words…just two words…I started crying. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean for you to cry… I just…" His voice trailed off and I shook my head to say that it was ok.

I ran my hands over my cheek to dry the tears. "No, _I'm_ sorry for crying like an annoying baby." I sniveled.

"It's ok, Darlin'," he said as he brushed at my cheeks like I just had. "There is nothing wrong with crying." He wrapped his arms around me into an embrace and rested his head on the top of mine. He pressed his lips to my hair but I could tell it wasn't a kiss.

"Thank you," I whispered when we pulled away. We where getting close to my house and I pointed it out. "I have to go. Will I see you tomorrow?"

"That's up to you, sweetheart. If you stop by after school, then yes you will see me. And, obviously if you don't then no you wont see me," he smiled.

"Alright. I'll stop by. I can't wait to see you." I said the last part seductively.

He laughed a little and then hugged me again. "I feel your pain, little Darlin'. I'll see you tomorrow," was the last things I heard him say to me before I went into my house.

My parents weren't home, to my relief. I sighed happily when I got into my house, leaned against the wall and slid down. I was feeling something I have never felt before. Ecstasy, bliss, elation, love…

I swear, I was falling in love.


	4. Chapter 4

**Thanks to my friend, Bella, for giving me the name Electric Crayon. And jsyk, her real name is not Bella. Teehee. For those of you reading my other story, Starstruck, then you know why I haven't updated. I didn't have internet for a week. But now here's the next chapter and you better review because I feel like I'm a bad writer when you don't. And I won't want to update. - Alice xoxo**

Chapter 4:

From then on, every day after school I went to go see Jasper. I loved seeing him. I loved seeing the smile he gets when I walk into the shop. God, that guy has no idea what he does to me every time I see him.

Since he told me he wanted me to go to college, I've been trying so much harder in school. I don't know what good it's going to do because I only have two months left, but I don't care. At least I'm trying.

-

Usually, Jasper walks me home every night. I loved that time, it's my favorite part of the whole day. It's the only time we really have together. I mean, the tattoo shop, Electric Crayon, isn't always dead, and most of the times he's not the only one working. I love being alone with him.

Anyway, on a rainy night in the beginning of April on the way home, Jasper stopped me right when we got to the front of my house.

"What?" I asked after he breathed me name. I loved it when he did that. I stepped closer to him and rested one of my hands on his chest. God, I wished it wasn't blocked by his shirt.

He put his and on top of mine and rubbed it lightly. "We have been hanging out for a long time and I was wondering if tomorrow you'd like to…" his voice trailed off as he thought of the right things to say. He suddenly smiled and blushed. "Alice, would you like to come over to my house tomorrow after I get out of work? We could watch a movie and I could make you dinner…"

"Of course, Jasper," I breathed as I wrapped my arms around him. "I'd love to do that."

He placed his lips on my head like he had the first time he walked me home, but this time it was defiantly a kiss. I could have cried. Jasper has no idea what he does to me. "So, I'll see you tomorrow?"

I nodded, to dazed to say anything else, and went into my house.

-

I don't think the day could have gone by any slower. The second had on the clock seemed to be going backwards. I wasn't even paying attention to what was going on during class all day. I just wanted it to get over so I can got to Electric Crayon to see Jasper.

Finally. Finally, _finally_, the bell rang. I jumped out of my seat and ran to the door, not caring that the bell actually means that the teacher needs to hurry up, not that it was actually time to go.

I got to Electric Crayon faster than I normally did, and it wasn't until I laid eyes on Jasper did I realize how nervous I really was. Breathe, Alice, I thought as I paced my breaths.

Jasper looked up and saw me. When he did, he smiled, which caused me to smile as well.

"Good news, Darlin'," he said with his special smile-voice, where his smile just gets bigger as he talks. And when that happens, I smile as well. "You are the first person in here all day, so I am going to close up right now, then we will be able to go on our date."

My breathing stopped. A date. My first date. I was so nervous that I felt like I was going to pee my pants.

For the next five minutes, I watched as Jasper closed up. All day it seemed like the day was going way too slow, now that I was dreading it, time seemed to speed up.

Almost as if on cue, he said those words that I wasn't ready to hear: "Ok, honey, I'm ready."

Oh My God. Ok, I was ready. I nodded to Jasper and then we left after he locked up.

I was surprised that Jasper walked me home every night. His house was in the exact opposite direction of my house. I didn't question why he did so because I think I knew the answer. He liked me. For whatever reason that was.

Eventually, we got to Jasper's house. Well, apartment, really. I couldn't believe it was actually happening. Or…maybe it wasn't. I was dreaming, I had to be. I gathered some of my skin between two of my fingers tightly. "Oww," I said, and Jasper looked at me.

"What's the matter, sweetie?" he asked as he opened the door into his apartment.

"I just had to pinch myself to make sure I wasn't dreaming, because this seems to unreal for me."

Jasper smiled and kissed the top of my head. He had only done it once before now, but it already was my favorite thing that he had done to me.

He took my hand and led me into his house. It wasn't really a bad place. It was kinda dark, but other than that just fine for my liking. And I loved the way it smelled. It smelled like Jasper.

"So," he started as he took off my coat and his own and hung them on the hanger by the door, "do you want something to eat first or do you want to watch a movie first?"

"I don't care," I said, shrugging a little, "I guess we can get something to eat."

Jasper took my hand and led me into the kitchen, then he lifted me up and set me on the counter.

"What do you want, little Darlin'?" he asked. I thought about that for a second. What did I want…?

"Breakfast," I finally said, and then smiled. I never really had a good breakfast in a long time. Just dry cereal.

"What do you mean?"

"Breakfast. Pancakes, eggs, toast." I sighed happily, tilted my head back a little, and closed my eyes. "breakfast." I looked back at Jasper and smiled again. If he made it for me, I would cry.

"Ok, honey, breakfast it is," he smiled.

"Really?" My voice broke. I really was going to cry, and I didn't want to. I didn't want to ruin the best day of my life. "I haven't had breakfast in a long time." The ridiculous tears leaked from my eyes and I tried to wipe them away before Jasper saw them. But sure enough, he did.

"Baby? What's the matter? Don't cry," he soothed as he brushed at my cheeks. "Tell me what's wrong…"

"No," I said, looking down so Jasper wouldn't see me cry. "It's stupid, really."

"Please tell me, Darlin' - it's the only way I can know what's wrong so I can help you."

I sighed and looked up to meet his gaze again. "I told you, I haven't had breakfast in a long time. All I have at home is dry cereal. I'm just elated that you are making it for me."

Jasper laughed and sighed at the same time while he ran his fingers through his hair. "You had me worried that something was wrong at it was just that I was making you breakfast?" I blushed and nodded, which made Jasper laugh again. "Alice, Darlin', you drive me crazy, and that is a term of endearment."

His fingers slowly stroked my cheek a few times, then he ran them over my lips so slowly and lightly. I couldn't take it, I knew what he wanted to do, so I just leaned in and closed the distance between us.

I wrapped my arms around his neck as his hands slid up and down my back. Oh, God… I was in love with him. So much.

Sooner than I wanted, Jasper pulled away. Then, there it was, that awkward after-your-first-kiss moment. Jasper ran his fingers though his hair and then backed away. "Uh…yeah, I have to make our breakfast now," he said, smiling when he said "breakfast."

"I'm sorry I kissed you," I said, "I just…thought you wanted to kiss me so I just went for it. Sorry I thought wrong."

"No, honey, your assumptions where correct, I was about to kiss you, but I was afraid you didn't want to kiss me…"

"Why wouldn't I want to kiss you, babe?" I asked, tilting my head to the side. He didn't answer me, he just pressed his lips one more time to mine. It wasn't as passionate or as deep as the one before, but it was still amazing.

"Al, I have to make our breakfast," he said when he pulled away, "but your distracting me." He sounded annoyed, but I could tell he was joking. Jasper stroked my cheek again. "You're so beautiful."

I blushed and looked down. "No I'm not. I think you should get your eyes checked, Jasper. I'm nowhere near beautiful," I said without looking at him.

"Alice, listen to me. You need to not talk down on yourself. You are so beautiful, baby." Jasper sighed. "So beautiful…" I looked up and smiled. He kissed my cheek before saying, "Darlin', I need to make our breakfast. Why don't you go watch T.V. and maybe pick out a movie for us to watch later, ok?" I nodded and slid off the counter before going into the adjacent living room to watch T.V. like Jasper had suggested.

I started looking for some movies that would be on in the next half hour. The movie Summer's Moon sounded pretty good. Maybe we could watch that.

Not even ten minutes after I sat down, Jasper came in. "Sweetie, breakfast is ready," he said, talking my hand and leading me back out to the kitchen.

"It smells good. What did you make?" I asked as I sat down at the table.

"I made just what you asked for. Pancakes, eggs, and toast. I made breakfast," he said as he handed me my plate. We ate in general silence, I guessed it was because both of us where use to doing so alone.

"Did you settle on a movie?" Jasper asked when we where finished and went back into the living room.

"Yeah, Summer's Moon starts in like two minutes. Is that ok?" I asked.

"It's fine," he answered. And then we started watching the movie. It was really good, and Jasper kept saying I looked like the girl in it. He was right, though. I did kinda look like her.

I do remember watching the ending of the movie. And if I think about it, I also remember watching some sitcom about a Mexican guy with a big head and insensitive mother and an oversensitive wife. But what I don't remember is the ending of that…

-

I blinked my eyes open and it took me a second to remember where I was. Our date… we watched Summer's Moon and then The George Lopez Show. What else? I don't remember anything after that. I had fallen asleep on the couch.

I tried to reposition my body so I could look at the clock above the T.V. but ended up falling to the floor. That's when I realized that Jasper was asleep on the couch like I had just been.

"Jasper," I whispered loudly while shaking him so I could wake him up. He slowly opened his eyes. "Jasper, I fell asleep. I need to get home. Now. My parents will kill me."

"Do you want me to walk you home?" He asked, his voice thick with sleep. I nodded, tears of fear forming in my eyes. "Ok, can you wait a minute?" I nodded for the second time.

Almost exactly a minute later, Jasper came out from another room. "Ready to go, honey?"

"Yeah," I answered, my voice breaking. Jasper got my coat from where he hung it up the night before. I put it on and he took my hand and led me out the door.

"Are you ok?" He asked when we where close to my house, "because you look like you are about to cry."

"No, I'm just scared that my parents will kill me," I answered.

Jasper rubbed my back. "Darlin', there not going to kill you. Don't be dramatic." I didn't say anything more. We just walked the rest of the way to my house silently.

"You're going to be ok," Jasper said when we where in front of my house. "I promise." He leaned in to kiss me.

"Bye," I breathed as I walked inside. I had reason to believe that it was the last time I'd see him.

I expected my mom to be waiting for me when I walked in, but no, it was much worse. My step-dad.

He hates me more than anything else in the world. I never see him unless I was in real trouble, like now.

"Where the hell where you?" He asked as he pushed me against the wall by my neck and held me there tightly so I couldn't breathe, and if I couldn't breathe, then I couldn't talk. All I could do was struggle for a gasp of air. He pulled me back a little when I didn't answer and slammed me against the wall one more time. "Answer me, damn little brat."

He loosened his grip so I could answer. I didn't want to tell him the truth, the fastest lie I could come up with was, "I was at my friends house. We watched a movie and I fell asleep…"

"Oh, and who is this 'friend' who has the misfortune of being with you?"

"Bella Swan," I said quickly, thinking about the girl in some of my classes who I sit with at lunch sometimes.

He didn't say anything, he just pushed me against the wall again, and then slapped me across the face. His hold on me tightened again so I couldn't breath. I struggled for air. It was no use, I was going to die, or loose consciousness at the least.

"That's a pathetic lie, Mary. You need to shut the fuck up, little whore. I know you where getting laid by a guy who doesn't fucking care about you. Hell, no one cares about you. I should just end you life now."

He was wrong. Jasper cared about me, I know he did. He wouldn't ask me on a date if he didn't.

"I'm going to kill you, Mary," he said before loosing his grip around my neck again. Then, he pulled me back and slammed my head really hard against the wall.

That was the last thing I remember.

**A/N: no, dancie. You can't shoot him. Yet...**

**Sorry if I made Alice sound emo when she cried because Jasper made breakfast. She was just kinda overwhelmed...**


	5. Chapter 5

**I'm just posting this because I want to hurry up and get it over with. There are only two more chapters after this one, anyway, I might finish it up this week, since I know this is one of my most worst stories ever. - Alice xoxo**

Chapter 5:

It was dark when I woke up. I was lying on the floor in the front room and my head was killing me. That's when I remember what happened when I got home from Jasper's house. My step-father had tried to kill me.

I tried to stand up but I was lightheaded and nearly fell back down. I held my hand against the wall as I walked towards the kitchen to find some aspirin for my head.

I took that with a glass of water and then went upstairs to my bed and slept off my headache.

-

The next day was Sunday, so, like the day before, I didn't have to go to school. I sneakily went out of my house and walked to Electric Crayon to see Jasper.

He was with a customer when I got in, but this girl Maria was at the counter. Maria honestly hated me. She crossed her arms over her chest when she saw me and asked in the most acidic tone, "can I help you?"

I rolled my eyes. She knows I come in every day to see Jasper. I just sat down and looked at the magazines while I waited.

Maria kept giving me these looks. Like she felt sorry for me. Whenever I glanced up at her, she would look down sadly and shake her head a little. What the fuck?

Jasper came out not too much later. "Hey, little Darlin'," he said before kissing me. Maria made a sound that sounded like she was going to start crying. What was her problem?

"Want to go out to lunch with me at 12, sweetie?" He asked. I nodded and he kissed me again. Maria was still giving me that look. I was about to smack her.

The rest of the morning was slow. Jasper and I talked and Maria whimpered sadly at us whenever we said sweet words to each other or kissed.

We went to lunch at a little diner across the street. Maria followed us and now she's starting this new thing. She will gasp a little and whisper, "sorry," softly. And her eyes will fill up with tears.

"What is your problem?" Jasper asked her.

Then she looked at me sadly and said to him, "it's just so sad that you are doing this to Alice," before leaving.

I looked at Jasper, and as if he knew what I was going to ask, he said, "I don't know what's up with her today."

I shrugged and didn't say anything more, I just continued eating my lunch. I decided to talk to her about it later.

-

Jasper was busy later in the afternoon so I went back to reading that same magazine I was reading earlier. Actually, I had probably read it 3 times in the last month or so. But I really didn't care.

Then it happened again. I looked up for three seconds, and Maria was looking at me that same way she had been since I got there that morning. I slammed the magazine shut.

"What the hell is your problem?" I demanded.

She smiled innocently. "What do you mean?" She made her voice sound like she was the cutest girl in the whole world.

I rolled my eyes at her. "You have been giving me these looks all day and I'm getting pretty fucking sick of it. Why do you keep staring at me like you feel bad for me?"

"Well because I do feel bad for you," she said, her voice all sad. I must have had a questioning look because she came over and sat next to me. "Alice, I really did want to tell you this, but since you asked…" she sighed sadly.

"Yesterday when you weren't here, Jasper was acting all relieved and stuff, like something that had been bothering him was gone. I asked him what was up and he said that he was just glad that you weren't here."

What? I didn't really understand what she was talking about. "What do you mean?" I asked.

"He says you are an annoying little stalker. And he also said that he wishes that you would leave him alone. He doesn't like you, Alice. Just face it."

I didn't know what to think. How… if Jasper asked me to his house, why would he think something like that? "You got it wrong, Maria. Jasper asked me on a date and I went to his house the night before last. He likes me," I defended. Maria shook her head.

"He told me that he thought a date was what you wanted. He only asked you so you would leave him alone," she answered. Everything made sense now. It all fit together perfectly. Why didn't I see this sooner. How could Jasper like me? I was an ugly, unwanted, pathetic person who doesn't deserve anything like him. Of course.

"I'm really sorry," Maria said as she stood up and walked back over to behind the counter. I felt my eyes fill up with tears. How could this be? Even though it made the most perfect sense, I still couldn't grasp it. Jasper. Didn't. Like. Me. I breathed in deeply and let out a long, slow, broken breath. The tears began to hit my cheeks but I didn't care. I wanted to leave, but I couldn't move.

The floorboards creaked and I looked up. Jasper was finished with a customer was asking him about payment methods. I couldn't stand to hear his voice so I tired to block it out. But it was no use for it was my favorite sound in the world.

The customer left and Jasper came closer to me. He saw the tears in my eyes. "Baby, what's the matter?"

No, no, no. I didn't want to talk to him. "Fuck off," I whispered loudly before getting up and leaving. I ran all the way to my house.

* * *

***sigh* ok, dancie, you can kill Maria if you want to **


	6. Chapter 6

**Yes, I understand that this is the shortest chapter in the history of chapters ever written, but it's like uber important. If people review then I will update tomorrow morning. And, from now on - with all of my stories - I am going to start sending teasers out to everyone who reviews. **

**Oh, and I am going to start a new story of outtakes and stuff for this story, but I will need a title. Any suggestions? R&R - Alice xoxo**

Chapter 6:

Once I got into my room, I threw myself onto the bed and sobbed harder than I ever remember do so before. It's so true what my parents had been telling me my whole life. No one wants me.

The sewing needle on the floor seemed to be the only thing I saw. I picked it up and pressed the sharp part to my flesh forcefully and dragged it across my skin. It bled more then the first time I had cut myself but I didn't care. I found another spot on my arm and cut there to. The pain hurt too good.

I watched my wounds bleed as the rain started outside and as the water droplets fell from my eyes.

_What if…_ I sighed. I loved Jasper so much. All I wanted was for him to be happy. And he doesn't like me then the only way for him to be happy was to stop existing. Stop living. Kill myself.

I smiled at the idea. My parents would like that as well, if I killed myself. They don't love me. Hell, they don't even like me. Suicide is the only option. The only way out of this life.

Finally, I will do something that people will be proud of.

-

For obvious reasons, I didn't go to Electric Crayon after school. Instead, I went to the library and looked up how to tie knots in one of the books. Since I didn't have a library card and didn't need one, I went there every day to learn how to tie a noose.

I had it all planned out. I was going to use all the money I own to by a beautiful dress, then I was going to take the noose to the cemetery and hang myself from a tree. It was going to be perfect.

-

After about a week and a half, I had the noose-tying thing down perfectly. I practiced on every long enough string I could find. I was elated. Everything was working out exactly the way I wanted it.

There was a rope in the garage, all that was left was to buy a dress…

I took a bus up to Port Angeles one day instead of going to school. I wasn't doing that anymore either - school. What did I need it for? I was planning on ending my life that night. Or the next day, at the latest. I sighed in content.

The bus stopped in front of the mall and I got off and wandered around until I found a dress store. There where a lot of simple things but I wanted something to make me look beautiful.

Then, there it was: It was pink with a halter strap and sparkles all over. It was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen. I had to try it on for size and it fit perfectly.

I had some money left to buy a matching necklace. Then, as I got back on the bus, I knew it was time. This was it. When I got back to Forks, I was going to kill myself. I sighed happily.


	7. Chapter 7

**WAIT! WAIT! Before any of you read this chapter, you HAVE to go listen to the song Runaway Train by Soul Asylum. It totally inspired this chapter. **

…

**K? You listened to it? Alright, you can go ahead and read it now… - Alice xoxo R&R**

Can you help me remember how to smile?  
Make it somehow all seem worthwhile  
How on earth did I get so jaded  
Life's mysteries seem so faded  
-Runaway Train, Soul Asylum

Chapter 7

The bus let me off at my house. I still had to get dressed and put the noose I had already tied in my backpack. I just couldn't believe this was happening. I hoped everyone would be happy without me. I hoped Jasper would find a girl that would make him happy. Maybe he could end up with Maria. That would be cute.

Thinking about him, I was suddenly sad. Maybe I just had to see him one more time. Maybe I just had to tell him goodbye. That actually sounded like a good idea. I haven't seen him in about two weeks and I missed him, even if he didn't miss me.

Once my dress was on and the noose was all tied and in my backpack, I snuck out of my house and headed down the street. It was nearly 10:00, so I knew Jasper would be home.

I have only been to his apartment once, but I knew exactly where it was and what room number it was. I walked through the halls on the second floor and stopped when I was in front of the door that said '207' on it and knocked as hard as I possible could.

Not even ten seconds later, Jasper answered the door. "Alice," he breathed, smiling. "What are you doing here? I missed you."

"I just came to say goodbye," I said as the tears began to form and come out onto my cheeks. I looked down. "I didn't want you to see me cry. I'm fine."

"Wh- Al, why are you saying goodbye? Where are you going?" He asked, but I didn't answer, I just unzipped the backpack and pulled out the already tied noose.

"I was just on my way to kill myself," I said and he gasped, " I wanted to say goodbye and tell you to have a nice life. I know you will be happier without me…" I turned around to walk away, but Jasper stopped me and turned around. His eyes where filled with tears.

"What the fuck?" He asked, but his voice sounded different. Shit, I made him cry. "Please tell me this is some kind of joke." Jasper was trying - but not succeeding - to keep the tears back.

"It's not a joke. Two weeks ago, Maria told me you hated me. I thought you like me, Jasper. You where the only one in the world… without you my life is nothing. Please let me die. I'm only doing it because I love you and I want you to be happy." We where both crying now. I wished Jasper would stop, it was hard to believe that he hated me when he was acting like this.

"Alice," he breathed, "come inside to we can talk." He took my hand and pulled me into his living room. Jasper sat me down on the couch. "Now, babe, tell me exactly what she said."

"She told me that you thought I was stalking you," I sobbed, "she told me the date was a pity date. She told me that you…hated me." I cried harder, even though I didn't think it was possible.

Jasper sat next to me and pulled me into his chest. "Want me to tell you what she told me?" I nodded. "After you left crying, I asked her what she said that made you so upset, she said that you honestly hated me, and quote, 'wished I would fucking rot in hell.'"

I looked up at him. "You believe that?" He shrugged. "Jasper, I love you. I would never say or even think any of that."

He sighed and then kissed my hair. "I love you, too, babe."

I pulled away. "If you love me, then why did you tell Maria that you hated me?"

"Alice, you have to believe me. I didn't say anything like that. I would never say anything like that - not even to save my life. I love you," he had stopped crying by then but I certainly didn't.

"I don't believe you," I whispered meekly. He stood up and pulled me off the couch with him.

"Baby, there is only one way that I can prove that I love you right now," he said, looking at my body, his eyes lingering on the space between my legs. I knew what he wanted. Did I love him enough to let him explore my body? I never really thought of sex as something like that, but it was exactly what it was, and I never thought it was more beautiful.

"Ok," I breathed, wiping at my eyes so I wouldn't be crying when I give away my innocence.

"Are you sure, babe?" He asked, I nodded. Jasper took my hand and led me to his bedroom.

-

"I'm so sorry," I said to Jasper about thirty minutes later as we laid in his bed, after I got out of the shower, and I was in his shirt and my panties. "I honestly don't know what I was thinking…believing Maria…"

"Just promise me you wont ever think about killing yourself ever again. I love you too much to loose you." He kissed my cheek. "I want you to be happy."

"I can't be happy," I breathed, "tomorrow, I'll have to go back home. My parents will kill me." I could feel a sob building up inside my chest. "That time I accidentally slept over, my step-dad accused me of getting laid. Now, when I get home he will do it again but this time he will be right." I spitted the sob out and cried.

"Baby, who says you have to go home? You are eighteen, you don't have to live with your parents. You can stay here, under one condition…"

I smiled. No, I did not want to go home. I don't care if I never saw my parents ever again, "What's that?"

"You have to finish high school and go to college. Even if you just go to community college in Port Angeles."

"Yeah, about that," I sighed, "I haven't been to school in two weeks. I don't think I am going to get any credits."

Jasper sighed as well. "You can take summer classes, right?" I nodded. "Ok, do that. I want you to get an education. I want you to be happy. I want you to be successful. Do it for me?"

"Ok. I will. I promise," I said.

"Really?" I nodded. "Ok, babe, it's getting late. Lets go to sleep." Jasper kissed me before turning off the light.

As I drifted to sleep, I realized that this was the start of a new life, that things where just going to get better. The past was behind me and I have no intentions of ever going back.

I ran my finger over the permanent ink on my wrist. I prayed that I would never need to ask myself that question ever again. And as I grew older, I hoped the meaning itself will become littler in importance. But the tattoo, the symbolism - for me - that will never fade. Because if it wasn't for me getting it, I would not be lying here in this bed, I would probably be hanging from a tree in a cemetery.

I closed my eyes and sleep overtook me. Tomorrow I would wake up, and I couldn't wait.

-The End

**This chapter was going to be longer but I cut out the sex scene because it was really bad. Maybe it will be one of the outtakes. Oh, I will be starting those outtakes soon and it will be called Bloodstains on the Carpet. And ever single one of those outtakes will be dedicated to my sister dancie. R&R. -Alice xoxo**


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